Sirius' Choice
by DarkLord667
Summary: Sirius makes an important decision, but will he be able to live with the consequences? Sirius/Dorcas. Written for The One Line Competition 3.


Late into the night, the snow fell and fell.

Sirius simply stood by the window, dividing his gaze between the window and the small, black box in his hand. As he stood there, he heard a very slight creak behind him, barely audible over the pattering of snow as it hit the window, but he showed no signs of acknowledgement nor did he make any attempt to grab his wand on the nearby end table. After a few more minutes of silence, Sirius decided to speak.

"Evening, Moony."

"I'm impressed."

"Don't be," Sirius turned with a small smile. "Prongs wouldn't have been patient enough to stand silently for that long, and Wormtail wouldn't have been that quiet. He's rubbish at sneaking around."

"That's true," Remus chuckled. He glanced down at the box in Sirius' hand. "So, what's new?"

"Well, it's been snowing, which is quite strange for this time of year."

Remus sighed and decided to go for the direct approach. "Are you going?"

"I am," Sirius answered hesitantly.

"Sirius…"

Before Remus could say another word, Sirius interrupted. "Don't, Moony. I already know what you're going to say, but it doesn't matter."

"But it does matter. It matters to you," Remus explained calmly.

Sirius sighed. "Who cares what I think? It's all my fault anyway."

"You can't think like that, Sirius. You're not to blame. The two of you merely had a small row. That's all."

"Yeah, a row we never would have had if I had just manned up and proposed to her in the first place."

"Marriage is one of the biggest decisions a person can make. No one in their right mind can fault you for being unsure," Remus pointed out.

"Well, I've never been the picture of sanity, have I?" Sirius let out a mirthless laugh. "Besides, we both know it's my fault. I'm just such a bloody coward."

At that, Remus began to chuckle.

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"That's the biggest load of rubbish you've ever said, and I was there every time Professor McGonagall caught us. So, that's saying something."

"What are you talking about?"

"Sirius, people could call you a lot of things, but a coward's definitely not one of them. You were able to stand up for what you believed in, even if it cost you your family. Rather than ignore this war like so many others, you decided to help. In fact, if I recall, you were the first Marauder to join the Order; a fact you constantly reminded us about until we did the same," Remus smiled at the last memory.

"Fine, but I'm rubbish at commitment. You can't argue with that."

"That's true," Sirius looked surprised that Remus had agreed so easily, but Remus, however, continued. "We've only been friends for over ten years. Clearly, I'm not qualified enough to say that you're loyal. I'm sure James and Peter are just as unqualified."

"Nice try, but that's not the same. You're my best mates. Dory, on the other hand…"

"Dorcas is someone you've dated for three years. I don't think a person that's 'rubbish at commitment' could have done that, do you?"

Sirius finally collapsed in the nearby chair. "Then why couldn't I propose?"

"Despite this dreadful war, we're still young," Remus answered as he took the chair besides Sirius.

"Prongs managed to pull it off."

"I thought we agreed never to use James' love life as an example?"

Sirius cracked a slight smile. "Yeah, but what if he was right all along?"

"What do you mean?"

Sirius rose from the chair and started to pace. "Back in school, I kept telling Prongs to just give up. I told him that no girl was worth that much trouble, but he never listened. Now, look how happy he is with Lily and Harry…"

Remus looked down, realizing he needed another approach. "Sirius, were you ready to get married?"

"I…don't think so."

"Why?"

"Because…" Sirius began as he slowly retook his seat. "Everything was perfect. I didn't want to risk it by rushing into something I wasn't ready for."

"Then," Remus put his hand on Sirius' shoulder in support, "you made the right decision, my friend."

"Then, why do I keep regretting it?"

"Because you care."

"Thanks mate," Sirius looked down to the small, black box still in his hands, "I should see her."

"Are you sure?"

"I need to see her," Sirius declared as he rose from his seat.

Remus mirrored the motion. "I'll go with you."

"Thanks, but I need to do this myself."

"If I were James, I'd just ignore that and go anyway."

Sirius cracked his first full smile all evening. "Then I'm glad it's just you Moony," he joked with a hint of sadness.

"You know he would've been here if he wasn't in hiding. Peter, too, but he's on an assignment." Remus, picking up on the worry in Sirius' voice, explained.

Sirius could still see the concern on Remus' face, so he continued to be jovial. "Good. For a second, I thought they were mad because I forgot their anniversary or something."

Remus didn't look convinced, but he still laughed at Sirius' attempt at humor.

Sirius grabbed his wand off of the end table and turned once more to Remus. "I'll be back."

"And I'll be here when you do," Remus informed with a nod.

Sirius considered protesting, but knew, had the situation been reversed, such protest would simply fall on deaf ears. So rather than argue, he said, "Wish me luck," as he pocketed the small box and Disapparated on the spot.

Remus sighed as he sat down again. "Good luck, Sirius," he whispered to himself.

* * *

As Sirius Apparated to his destination, he suddenly noticed that it had stopped snowing. In its wake, though, the entire area was lightly covered in untouched snow. Slowly, he made his way through it, not caring to cover his tracks nor examine his surroundings. Had Mad-Eye knew about his conduct, he would undoubtedly have to endure endless lectures about 'Constant Vigilance,' but Sirius just didn't care at that moment. All he could think about was one person: his Dory.

He could still remember when they had first met. They were both in first year, but he was the loud, obnoxious Gryffindor while she was the quiet, bookish Ravenclaw. The two of them hit it off almost as well as James and Lily had. But, that may have been because his younger self realized how closely Dorcas sounded like 'Dorky' and decided to nickname the young Ravenclaw as such.

Sirius smiled at the memory. Everyone thought that he and Dorcas would be another 'James and Lily,' but they weren't the same. While James would search out Lily every chance he got, Sirius just avoided Dorcas, which was simple because they were in different Houses. The only time the two would be in the same room was when they shared classes, but Sirius would just sit with James.

Sirius recalled how that pattern remained until his Seventh Year. He had Advanced Transfiguration, along with the other Marauders and Lily. Like any class in the past seven years, he would sit with James, Remus would sit with Peter, and Lily would take the seat farthest from James. However, the first class after James and Lily had finally got together, Sirius found Lily sitting in his usual seat. Knowing it meant the world to James, Sirius decided to find another seat. Eventually, he decided to take the seat next to a rather attractive brunette who seemed familiar. He introduced himself, and to his surprise, she was none other than Dorcas Meadowes.

Briefly remembering their first year, he wondered if she still held a grudge against him. Though, it seemed that six years was enough to leave the past behind them. They were able to start their friendship anew. Sirius even decided to nickname her Dory to make sure he didn't repeat his past mistake. Over time, Sirius felt himself falling for Dorcas, but he decided against pursuing those feelings in fear of messing up this relationship again. However, during a post-graduation party—possibly from the euphoria, the firewhiskey, or a combination of both—he kissed her.

Luckily for him, she reciprocated the kiss and later confessed to hiding her feelings for the same fear of ruining their friendship. Through kiss and confession, they decided to give it a shot, and somehow, they managed to make it through three years. It wasn't easy. There was a war going on, and they both were on the frontlines. However, they still managed to enjoy a blissful relationship. Yes, they had their rows, their forgotten birthdays, and even a duel between the two, but at the end of the day, they were happy.

Their last row wasn't anything spectacular. It was like any other. It started over something trivial. Sirius was slightly injured from his most recent assignment and had neglected to tell Dorcas. Soon, what was a simple matter of forgetfulness soon blew up into a full-fledged row. He knew the real reason behind it, though. Dorcas had been dropping hints that she was ready to take the next step in their relationship, and Sirius was far more perceptive than he let on. After all, he was the one who saw the same signs in Lily and assured James that she'd accept. But, like he told Remus, he was afraid of moving too fast, so he just ignored the signs, hoping it would just pass. Unfortunately, ignoring the issue only served to anger Dorcas.

So, she decided to take some time off, telling only Remus where she went in case the Order needed her. The next day, Sirius went to London with Peter to buy the perfect engagement ring. Once he had it, though, he didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to propose to make her happy, but the larger part of him knew he wasn't ready for marriage. But, none of that mattered anymore because…

He stopped. He was there, but as he stood, every memory, every thought, every feeling escaped him. All he could focus on was what lay before him.

**Dorcas Meadowes**

**Born 2 May 1960**

**Died 7 October 1981**

**Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death.**

Sirius fell to his knees. It had been nearly a week since the funeral, but he still couldn't bear the sight. He still couldn't believe that she was gone, forever.

After what felt like hours, Sirius willed himself to speak.

"I should've been there for you. I should've delayed Voldemort so you could get away. Instead, I was sleeping in our damn flat while you were fighting for your life. I failed you, Dory, and I'm so sorry. Now, I'll never have the chance to tell you the truth," he pulled out the small box. "I knew you were frustrated because you thought I was clueless. The truth is that I knew what you were hoping for. I knew, but I was happy with the way things were. I thought if we took that step too soon, it would ruin everything. So, I ignored it, hoping the problem would just go away."

Sirius let out a mirthless laugh.

"But I was a fool to think that would work. When we had our row, I knew it was my fault. The day after you left, I bought this for you," he opened the box to reveal a small diamond ring. "I found this in a small Muggle shop and knew it was perfect. I wanted to tell you that I was being an idiot and would have proposed the next time I saw you, but I spoke with Moony. He made me realize that it's okay for me not to be ready, and I wasn't… I'm not ready to get married. But, when I am, I can only imagine it with you…"

With those words, Sirius sat there sobbing. Once he calmed down, he rose to his feet.

"I should go, Dory, but I want you to keep this. It's yours," he said as he set the box containing the ring in front of the tombstone, along with freshly conjured flowers.

Rather than Disapparating immediately, Sirius decided to walk in order to clear his head. His mind flooded with thoughts of Dorcas, but there was something else eating at him. Part of him kept thinking of James. Without the woman he loved, all he had left was his family, but a sickening thought of losing James, Lily, or even baby Harry couldn't escape him. He didn't know what he would do if he lost them, too. He had to make sure they were safe.

James wanted him to be the Secret-Keeper, but he was the obvious choice. Everyone knew it would be him. The Death Eaters would hunt him down. He would be their only defense, but what if he failed them like he had failed Dorcas? No, to keep them safe, he had to come up with a new plan. Everyone would think they did the expected, so they needed to do the unexpected. They needed to pick someone unexpected.

But whom should they pick? It would have to be someone they trusted with their lives. It had to be someone as loyal to James as he was. Immediately, he thought of Remus. But, while his heart said yes, his brain hesitated. They knew there was a spy in the Order. He couldn't imagine that Remus would betray them, but he knew that Voldemort was offering werewolves better lives. He knew that Remus was clever enough to pull it off. He knew that Dory told only Remus where she was going.

The facts were piling up against Remus, but he was one of their closest friends. He even offered to come with Sirius. But, was it out of loyalty or guilt? Sirius wasn't sure anymore, but for James, he couldn't take the risk. So, if not Remus, there was only one choice. Sirius immediately Apparated to Godric's Hollow.

He knew what had to be done.

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter

**Challenges**: The One Line Competition 3

**Word Count**: 2,348

**Beta Readers**: MissingMommy and MrsBates93


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